GILF's, Drunks, Castle's and Penguins......

Just a quick update tonight to enlighten you all as to the antics of last night. What should have been a simple outing to the cinema (to see a kids film) turned out to be a hilarious evening (as always!).

So we arrived at the cinema to see Mr Popper's Penguins, a nice sweet film. After James nearly fainted at the price and after the first priceless Chloe moment "Would you like Standard or Premier seats?" "Standing???" No Chloe you don't have to stand!! We head for snacks and toilet stops, Chloe buys about 3 bits of pick and mix and i buy the biggest box of popcorn ever......... Cue the next Chloe tapping gem, "i don't think i've ever had popcorn before..." *Pause* "is it just popped corn"....... Mansell is at the counter ordering Cheesy nachos and trying to work out when he can get his next beer fix and is there any way that could be while we were in the cinema.... After a 10 minute wait the boy behind the counter comes back to tell James that there is no cheese........ *Chloe and Me turn and walk away*

We take our seats just behind the empty premier seats, i say we all take our seats, Chloe missed hers and nearly ended up sitting on the floor! A laughing fit ensued. This is an appropriate time to introduce Andrew's arse to the story.... I have NEVER smelt anything like it, and he kept occasionally dropping one in the cinema causing all of us to cover our faces and the people in the row behind to start fanning the air struggling to breathe! Once Mansell finally returns with the cheesy nacho's which by the way were apparently shit! The bromance moved to the row in front (premier seats) Chloe was reluctant incase the seat police came round. The smell continued for the whole of the film, which was actually quite sad, Chloe definitely thought so as she was nearly in tears by the end!

After a beer stop in the Hop House, which was as we described it was "banging" on a Saturday night we headed for Tapping Towers! After compulsory fuss making of Xena and Sparkle we decided we were hungry and that a kebab was a good idea. As the designated driver we piled back into the car, and headed for Wadhurst. We had the Tapping tour on the way pointing out various land marks and houses, one of which was a volunteer from work who shortly after passing her house was described as a GILF.......One stumbling point with this plan, it was late and the kebab shop was shut...... Oh well into Tunbridge Wells we go then. On route we all decided apart from Andrew that we needed a wee, so i dumped the car outside the barn and we strolled in to use their toilets... All i can say is WOW is that what you sound like when you have had a drink, lots of people shouting "i feel really drunk".

A strange experience being in the kebab shop sober and with no stolen/found clothing from the night out!

Back to Tapping Towers we go one hour after we set out in search of food... As we drive past Frant Station a car in front just stops... We beep, they indicate, we pull alongside, "you alright Mate" "yes Why" "Just asking as you have pulled over" "i'm fine fuck off" even stranger he was old and in sunglasses.....Surely nothing else can happen on a journey that lasts 10 minutes..... As we pull into Scotney there is a car pulled up on the side of the road, as we pull alongside (like security guards) someone gets out and flags us down "can you help me i'm lost, i'm looking for Castle Street Tonbridge" All of us in unison "Well thats not here", confusing directions were given and the poor guy left in search of Tonbridge... Very odd. Andrew tried to get his laptop to work for AGES and then we had the photo humiliation for Jamie, Bless him! After being fascinated by the riots in London, and with the alternative commentary from Chloe. Who in her own words "Can read it better than her on the TV". At 2:30 i thought i should probably make a move as i was working today :( Another hilarious and full of utter randomness evening with the Scotney Massive!

The snacks :)

Xena and Sparkle waiting for kebab :)

Most used word of the night- Bellend

In other news, work was dull, it rained (I hate the rain!), I had pasta for dinner and i go to Ibiza in 5 DAYS :)

Alloy wheels............What wheels with no rubber?

So two days off and what did i do with them......

Monday involved crazy golf and visiting Pickle and Tuesday was just a whole load of fun :) We packed a picnic loaded the car with everything you could think of including a Winnie the Pooh football and headed to Camber. The journey was amusing as i wasn't really sure on where i was going and managed to somehow stumble into Rye and then find signs for Camber! Bear in mind the last time i went it was pitch black and it was 4am on new years day, i was drunk and drinking champagne on the beach! We couldn't see where we were going and just ran until we hit water... Good times. Anyway back to Tuesday we parked in the Donkey car park and proceeded to walk up the steepest hill in the world, i thought my calves were going to... well i don't know but they bloody hurt. Ben was carrying the picnic that turned out to be really heavy due to the amount of diet coke i had stuffed in the bottom...... I didn't want to get dehydrated!

we pitched up once getting everything out and sorted we paddled in the sea to cool down and then started tucking into the food and listening to the radio when we turned round to see that the tide was coming in at a rapid rate and was about to get us soaking wet.... We picked everything up including the sunshelter tent and moved camp.... again we set up sat down and got ready to catch some rays, when again the tide came in this time that was it i was moving a long way back so third time lucky we had our space and we weren't moving Ben however decided that he was staying where he was and built himself a sand wall to stop the water...... he did manage to stay dry but looked like he had no friends as we all sat  behind him......

The day turned into football, volleyball (we weren't very good), swimming, sunbathing, digging holes, burying Ben, making castles, Frisbee, perving over over topless men and watching the DILF. The drive home was much less stressful following the signs and with my interesting national trust property commentary all the way back!

The snacks

The camp!

Wheres Ben!

Today however back to reality and back to a lonely office which looked like a bomb had hit whilst i hadn't been there! 

It was strangely busy and too hot at one point i thought i was about to burst into flames from the heat. It didn't help having to move the shop delivery....... but thats another story! We had bets on code 2's and other amusing scenarios managed to appear throughout the day. Cups of tea were drunk, cans of diet coke were opened and lots of banter was exchanged obviously because we all hate each others guts....... 

The most amusing conversation being had between Tel, Tapping Tanya and me regarding Tappings new car...... Amongst the conversations was the alloy wheel debate in which Tapping admitted that she wasn't really sure on what they were and i tried my hardest to explain that it's a metal wheel etc etc for her to say what a metal wheel with no rubber...... What can i say about that! She will also be the next F1 driver because clearly they are really easy to drive and exactly the same as her Corsa...... 

I would also love to see Tapping try and change the wheel on her car with a screwdriver in her own words "just a flat head screwdriver you know just unscrew the wheels and take them off"

The evening ended in a nice leisurely walk around the garden with the Tapping Trio, Xena panting like a small dog at the back having walked the longest distance ever in the heat, me and Andrew talking about Fiat 500's and Chloe just being Chloe! 

The Tapping's 

Oh and 9 days till Ibiza!